I struggled with depression, because of the traumatic experience I went
through. My doctor said to me that I was not the only one in the whole
world going through something like this; that as a Christian I should
know that the story of Job in the Bible was real and something that
many people go through. I didn't think that anyone could fully
understand the pain I felt. Here is how it all started...
I had learned to look after my baby brother Edwin,
from a young age when our parents separated. He was like a son to me, I
fed him, washed his clothes and played with him. I loved Edwin with all
my heart. When he grew up I was so proud of him, he meant everything to
me.
He finished school and started working for our
country Uganda. But this beautiful country which once used to be known
as the Pearl of Africa was going through times of tribal hatred,
religious sectarianism, rape and bloodshed. We all lived under fear and
the common saying was "God forgot Uganda and does not care what happens
to us".
Because of the troubles, I hadn't seen Edwin for a
few years and finally I got a chance to go and visit him. On my way to
his home my vehicle was ambushed by rebels. I jumped out and hid in
some high grass but a rebel saw me and fired at me with a full round of
bullets. Miraculously, no bullet touched me. When darkness came, I was
still in shock and exhausted but I had no choice but to start walking
to my destination. Suddenly, I noticed a leopard was stalking me, I was
so frightened, it seemed like a nightmare that would never end but the
leopard was eventually scared away as I came across another group of
rebels.
I finally made it to my brother's home and he was
thrilled to see that I had survived the ambush. Little did I know the
tragedy that was awaiting me. On the 4th day of my visit Edwin was
murdered by people from another tribe. As a family, we were robbed of a
great treasure that can never be replaced. His only daughter Anna was
born the same day he was buried. She will never know her father.
I hated the tribe that murdered my brother; I
hated their language and counted them as enemies - long-term enemies.
Many times, in my heart I killed all of them - the whole tribe. My
heart was yearning to see justice done. I cried out to God to take away
the pain and the memory, but the wound was too deep and painful to
ignore. I struggled with pain and hurts for a long time. I questioned
God's character and justice. I wanted to know, if God is a good God,
WHY did this happen to me?
Yet I was a pastor and had seen many people come
to the Lord to receive mercy and forgiveness for their sins, but the
murder of my brother seemed to be too great a sin to be forgiven and
forgotten. I knew that if I failed to forgive I would hand on my
bitterness to the next generation. I longed for the strength to forgive
and love my enemies with a love that only God can give.
I was constantly challenged by the prayer Jesus
prayed on the cross for those who crucified Him: "Father, forgive them,
for they do not know what they are doing." Luke 23:34 Where did He get
the strength to forgive and the LOVE to overlook their sins, how could
He say they didn't know what they were doing.
After several years of struggling with pain and
praying for peace in my heart, God gave me the strength and grace to
forgive this tribe. I wish I could say it was instant, but it was a
process. God knew how deep my wound was, He was patient and tender in
dealing with me.
One day, I was invited to speak at a conference,
by church leaders from this tribe who knew nothing of my pain and hurt.
I knew God had set the scene for me to meet the people I had considered
as long-term enemies. So, at this leaders' conference I spoke out
forgiveness to the murderers of my brother. I can hardly describe the
joy and the release that came into my heart when I hugged and cried
together with the leaders for the sin committed by their tribesmen.
God healed my wounds and turned my scars into
stars! My brother was not replaced but my joy and peace were restored.
Now I know that the power of forgiveness can break the cycle of
revenge.
Just imagine how forgiveness could change
situations such as in Rwanda, Iraq, the Middle East and Northern
Ireland, where
many lives and families have been devastated by sectarianism, hatred
and revenge.
Let us pray that Jesus, the Prince of Peace, will
bind the broken hearted and restore our desire to forgive and LOVE one
another in this hurting world.
